vendredi 14 décembre 2012

Growing up

When I was young, the authority figures said that my situation will get better as I grow up....

That statement is false; I never had more significant harassment and bullying as a few years ago and this cost me a potential career in research, which I'm trying to rebuild.

The intense bullying I suffered aggravated a PTSD already present from a few events which I don't want to disclose for now.

Now I'm focusing on repairing all this mess and this is part of my reflexion which triggered last night's post on Coldplay.

During the harassment period, I had the occasion to work for my doctor, Dr. Laurent Mottron, who promised me a career in research.

During that time, I was living in Sherbrooke, QC and I was harassed on a daily basis; by a neighbour at home, also at school and on the bus. I wanted out, I wanted to move to Montreal.

I figured out I could move to Montreal and work at the hospital where Dr. Mottron practiced but then, a few interview with Dr. Mottron concluded he didn't want me to move to Montreal for financial reasons (according to him, Sherbrooke should have cheaper rent). The thing is, I was suffering from significant depression at the time and wasn't sure if I could have made it alive had I did not get some help from my family, who, at the time, was absolutely convinced I needed to stop going to university and work for Dr. Mottron because they thought it was the cause of my harm.

I felt between a rock and a hard place because my mother was convinced that studying and working in psychology & neuroscience caused me to have mental illnesses and my doctor who didn't want me in Montreal to fix the harassment problem (which he agreed but had no solution whatsoever).

When I moved to Montreal, I wasn't done with the harassment problem. I started to work in Dr. Mottron's lab and initially, everything was fine (this was back in August 2008) but by September 2008, I was starting to have problems with the doctoral student I was working for. In hindsight, the doctoral student's boyfriend was having an issue with me working in the lab and he made it known (with one particular day where I was assisting the doctoral student with some issues regarding Linux and he was calling on her phone and was pretty loud).

If I hadn't had my PTSD, most of the harmful comments from the doctoral student wouldn't had much effect on me but the thing is, the damage was done and I was very worried for my job because I was literally alone in that lab with no support from the other peoples and no support from my doctor which I've seen for a total of one hour and 15 minutes for the year 2008 (regardless if it was for the job or my issues).

I disliked the lab atmosphere and the conditions I worked under during that experience (first, at home with no one to socialize and then, at the lab where most socialization was off-handed remark and some harassment) but I liked my experience doing science and I would like to do science work again and I am working toward that goal; hopefully, with a better lab.

Regarding the Coldplay post, I'm still not done thinking about my paradise situation and this is just a prelude which I needed to write just about now in order to do a better post later.


Aucun commentaire:

Publier un commentaire